Malört
Tastes Like
We asked fans what Malört tastes like. Their answers were... descriptive.
Hit the randomizer below to see what they said.
Malört Tastes Like
Fermented toe jam
Hot soggie socks!
Liquified Existential Dread
Burnt hair and stagnant pond water
Swamp Juice
Purgatory
Octane fueled Chicago gutter water
Curdled Shame
A burnt rubber cheeseburger with an earwax mustard, a funky toe nail ketchup, and topped with pickled bunions.
Goblin Toe Scum
Workout Bench Remnants
Ripe ear wax with a hint of ball sweat.
Cat vomit and Diesel Fuel
Shit
Ewww... fuck yeah.
An old man kicking your ass
Lifelong Failure With A Hint Of Crushing Despair
A hint of anise, a dash of anus.
My ass after camping.
The time my dog sneezed and it sprayed into my mouth
Burning tires and skunks (the skunks are also on fire)
Divörce
If shag carpet could be juiced
Waking up in a Vegas parking lot after three cigars, jumbo jalapeno nachos, and $1 shrimp cocktail.
Fixing your car with your mouth
Licking Lower Wacker Drive
One time in prison…actually NVM… Anyways…it has the same taste as that night. God I should call him…
Pure unfiltered, full-bodied butt.
All your pain and suffering in liquid form
Blended dental equipment
You threw up in your mouth a little bit and forgot about it until right now
Diesel Fuel and Regret
Sin, Snake oil and Skunk
Yesterdays regret mixed with the slaughtered hope of tomorrow and herbs.
How Nails on a Chalk board sound.
Rock Bottom’s Basement
Wisdom tooth removal
Puts the “Ass” in “Gasoline”
What being pepper sprayed feels like
Everything’s going to be okay, because anything is better than what’s in your mouth.
Duct Tape ripped off my tongue
Pine trees, peppermint, and a pinch of regret stewed together in an old shoe.
If shame and B.O had a child out of wedlock
Regret
Spite & regret expertly blended.
Piss Filtered Through Cigarettes
Weakness leaving your body.
Breaking Your Own Heart
Grapefruit-zested ashtray after an acid rain on the patio
Used band-aids
A fond memory of pain and despair. A dirty sanitizer rag at the end of a long night. A rancid container of mystery liquid on a Chicago stoop. A test of skill and strength. A delight for the senses.
Generational trauma.
Purgatory
Workout Bench Remnants
Used band-aids
Cat vomit and Diesel Fuel
A Bad Breakup
An old man kicking your ass
All your pain and suffering in liquid form
You threw up in your mouth a little bit and forgot about it until right now
Malort tastes like the liquid that pools at the bottom of a trash can
Grandpa’s insoles
Sweaty Sailor's Balls
Expired matches in hotdog water
Generational trauma.
Bitterness so intense, it briefly rewrites your DNA.
Grandma’s Homemade Cleaning Solvent
Malort taste like getting picked on in the 5th grade.
What being pepper sprayed feels like
Hairspray fumes, hotdog water, regret
burnt asphalt and regret
Bathtub gin
Fermented toe jam
Spite & regret expertly blended.
Pine trees, peppermint, and a pinch of regret stewed together in an old shoe.
Waking up in a Vegas parking lot after three cigars, jumbo jalapeno nachos, and $1 shrimp cocktail.